Not much to say but...if a picture is worth 1000 words

We have Eli ready for a baseball game, the fair, and of course the SD Chargers!














Eli chilling after pooltime, in the pool with Mommy, and of course with his Daddy!















Eli turning himself upside down (still have no idea how!) in his shades and ready to ride and demanding a mini donut at the swapmeet!

We love you all!
Dawn and Eli

On a happy note....

I did get a digital camera. My mom gave me her kodak easy share with the printer dock and everything!!! All I need to do is buy the printer and paper. But Randy will be able to set the dock up for me so I can e-mail and post more pictures!! Plus I can send physical prints! :)

love and spit bubbles
dawn and Eli

Funkytown...

And not the "get out your goldfish filled platforms and bellbottoms" It's more of the *bleh* can't shake this yucky feeling. I know my last 2 blogs have been veritable rays of sunshine and I should really try and perk this up but I'm just *bleh* I was really let down by San Diego and I get lonely here in Las Vegas. I love being home with Eli and wouldn't trade being able to do that for anything. I just miss being around someone who talks. I hate to bug people by calling them on the phone and facebook is only entertaining for so long. It's just bleh bleh bleh. Gods, better stop now...my whining is bugging me....

love you all
dawn

Can you do math?

I can. If you are prescribed 150 pills and you can take 8 a day, how many days of pills do you have. I believe the number is 18.something. Today I go to the doctor and was told that the 150 was for 30 days and I was only supposed to take 5 a day. The bottle said 1-2 every 6 hours....quick do the math that equals 8. I explained to Dr. Asshole (my doc was on a boat in Europe) that perhaps since my normal Doc knew I was coming back in 3 weeks perhaps he wrote me a 3 weeks scrip. I was told "we don't do 3 week appointments"Funny I came in on the 4th of June and today was the 25...gee seems like 3 weeks to me right. Again with the math. The the butthead proceed to stick a needle up and down my arms and into my neck while zapping me. Then he left, the MA came in and proceeded to zap me again, putting the info into the wrong screens. Dr. Asshole wrote me a scrip to cover me til the 3rd and off I go.

I get to appointment 2 and on a whim I call my pharmacy to see if they had received the refill fax on my muscle relaxer (faxed Monday) NOPE. So I call Dr. A-hole's office and ask them if they got the fax...course not. So my pharmacy faxes it not once, not twice, not 3 times, not 4, but 5 muther-ffin times. Thinking they have it I take my sedation meds get crammed into a tube and get radiated for 20 minutes. Did I mention I am EXTREMELY claustrophobic?

Off we go to the pharmacy. Is the muscle relaxor filled? NOPE. But the new scrip I have was dated for TOMORROW. Are you fucking kidding me? I spend the next hour callingback and forth and having the scrip refaxed 6, 7, and 8 times. Finally they fix the refaxed one and at 4:45pm I get some idiot MA who SWORE the doctor would call my pharmacy immediately so I cold go on my merry little way. (I've now been at the pharmacy for 2 hours) Finally at 5:15 I gave up took the muscle relaxors and will go get the other crap tomorrow.

Do I have "please have all your idiot employees annoy me?" tatooed on my ass today or what?!!?!? Tara can I borrow your grumpy lol cat.

Love my family!! Hate my doctors minions!

ps
Eli is doing great and can almost turn over! But this was a rant and Eli is happy news

Un-Fair Fairness and San Diego

Well as I have been posting happily about for weeks me and the boys went down to San Diego to visit my mom. We rented a car (cha-ching) and drove down to San Diego Weds night. Mom was excited to see us and oooed and cooed over Eli, all of which I expected. I had warned her that on Thursday I was going to try and visit my best friend Vitaly, Friday I was having dinner with Julie and that Saturday I was going to try and see Michalene. She was pre-warned. Some how I thought this would help.
Thursday we got up and ran a few errands to let Randy sleep in a bit. When we came home we loaded up to head out to the fair. I was doing the inner hokie pokie....I LOVE THE FAIR. I love the rides, I love the foods, the vendors....I LOVE THE FAIR. We get in and run about looking for food which we find and then we decide to walk the vendor halls. In my mind I am thinking "ridesridesridesrides" but trying to be cool and amicable to all invovled we walked the crap for sale. (Yes I bought a few things...I am human after all) Then we leave the halls (rides?) and walk around for more food. After food part 2 we walked around the ride/game area (yes ms. diabetic you can go into the candy store but you get NOTHING) So we walked around more, bought the desert type snacks and left. Did you read all that? NO RIDES FOR DAWN.

We get home and although I was tired I still wanted to see Alik but Mommy-dearest didn't think we should go out when wehad been out all day. NO BURNERS FOR DAWN.

Friday we go to breakfast and to Ikea. I txt Julie and we were making plans when my mom went weepy nutto "it's almost time for you to leave, do you have to take the baby?" So NO VISIT WITH OLD FRIENDS FOR DAWN,

Saturday Michalene let me know that she wa having tummy trouble, so I assumed the plans were canceled. We went to the Swap Meet (got cute shoes) Later on got word that we could have gone over and said hello. If we had mom mom would have gone nutters. So AGAIN I stayed. NO FRIENDS FOR DAWN

Sunday she and I ran some errands and then went to the cemetary to say hello to my grandpa. I had never gone to the grave since the ceremonie there. I just wanted 5 minutes. She gave them to me but as I went back to the car she attacked hugged me and sobbed all about her missing him. Here I was in tears and grief and she didn't even ask me how I was.

Then we went back to the house packed and went to see my Wendy and Bob. Dan was there and that was the only happy moment of my trip.

Overall, I could have had a V-8
hugs
daw

Funny vomit wasn't in the ad...

...for this whole "mommy" job. Just kidding, sort of. I was a bit of a vomit-phobe (I'm sure there s some fancy term for it) Being the sober one for a great many parties, holding hair...hearing noises no 90lb woman should make...seeing colors God did not intend your body to create...yup I pretty much hate puke. So Eli has had a bit of a tummy *bleh* today and surprisingly enough neither one of us are too freaked out about the gastrointestinal pyrotechnics his little body has chosen to spew out. He just smiles after as if to say "I feel better Mom." Of course this would happen 2 days before we have a 6 hour car trip and a fun visit in San Diego. Hopefully this is just a teeny thing .

Well I had hoped to blog more but Eli is up again and today when he is up he wants to be held...it's a tough life but someone has to do it ;) (for those who miss my sarcasm...that tough life...was a joke)

Love
Dawn and Eli

It's always sunny in Vegas right?

Darn clouds will not blow out of this town and the pressure is KILLING me! I'd gladly have a rooat canal with no novacaine for a month without migraines...well ok maybe not that extreme but I think you catch my meaning. Grrrr. I have a MRI and a nerve conduction study scheduled for June 25th and hopefully we can get moving on a more productive way of doing things. Keep me in your prayers.

Eli is becoming more and more of a daredevil every day. He likes to be tossed onto the bed (from about 6 inches above the bed or lifted up by his feet. Scares mommy to death but the kiddo grins like a maniac. Being the girlie girl that I was this was all foreign to me but I do love to see him smile. He smiles constantly. I can't wait for everyone to see what a happy baby he is. He gobbles his "ricer" bottles an now he eats "nanner" bottles (I add a few teaspoons of baby bananas to his bottle and shake shake shake) and he LOVES it. Next week its sweet potatos. I hate them but daddy loves them so we'll see.


I'm very excited as next week we are heading south to San Diego to see my mom and go to the San Diego County fair. I love the rides and the FOOD. My mom is thrilled as she hasn't seen Eli since he was 5 days old. We'll also be albe to see a few "burner" pals (it's a weekend of a burner event so most will be camping) and a few other pals I rarely get to see. I am looking forward to a change of scenery. Then we'll be back for a month...back to San Diego for ComicCon and a chance to see more Burner friends and High School friends!! and then in August off to Oklahoma. Lots of travel but also lots of family. I can't wait. Now if I could just forget about my 31st birthday in August....doubt that will happen...*bleh* Maybe I'll finally be able to beg for that aquamarine ring or the digital camera *hint hint* (never hurts to beg the hubby early right?)

Well thats my boring news for now. I'll add one more cute picture of the kiddo...cause I'm a mommy-addict!

A letter to my husband and son

Dear Randy and Eli,

I suppose I should write this out privately but these are words I shouldn't hide. I want everyone I know to understand how much the both of you have changed my life and how happy I am.

The first 29 years or so of my life weren't so great...between bouts of depression, drug abuse, physical/mental abuse, being abandoned and feeling unloved I had a lot of very unhappy days. I had grown accustomed to all of that and figured that it was just the status quo. I thought that life had to be hard, that unconditional love was a myth and that happiness was just something Disney made up to sell movies. I had love for my family and friends but no love for myself. I spent days drifting between self loathing and pain honestly believing that I didn't deserve anything more.

Then by some miracle I sent the right e-mail to the right person and an honest dialogue was opened. I started having something to look forward to, something to trust and it scared the hell out of me. I looked for any reason to disbelieve my own heart but no reason came. Finally in a fit of fear but wanting so much to believe I asked that our first (well second) meeting be made without the usual "masks" people wear. Just honesty, something I hadn't ever had. When I made the long drive my hands and heart shook because I knew this was going to change my life but I wasn't sure if it was going to be great or emotional devastation. If people know the story, they know that after 36 short hours of honesty we walked out in love and with a promise of marriage.

I knew I loved you Randy the first moment I saw you in 2005, but it was confirmed when I saw your eyes and smile in that trailer in 2007. You accepted me, as screwed up as I was, for exactly what I was. You never once asked me to change or be someone I couldn't be. You loved and accepted me, held me when I cried and made me want to become a better woman. You watched me slowly climb out of the pit of addiction, drug me kicking and screaming to the hospital and demanded that I be taken care of, and made me believe that I wasn't alone anymore. You accepted the part of me that was (and is) the "Fraggle" but also got me to accept the fact that "Dawn" is a good person too, worthy of your love and devotion. More importantly you helped me integrate those two into a better me...Mrs. Winsett. Your kindness, acceptance, love and friendship saved my life in more ways than the physical...you helped me heal my soul and taught me to accept unconditional love and for that I will forever grateful. Then after you gave me all that you had, you gave me the gift I never thought I would be worthy of, our son.

Eli, my little man...my light, my joy. How can I find the words to describe something that I love so much? I don't think even I understand the depth of my love for you. I don't think God will let me understand that because my heart might just explode. Into you I put everything good I had and wanted nothing back but it came back to me so that I could continue to nurture you and give you what you need. I look at you and see all the love your Daddy and I share and it grows everyday as we watch you grow. I have grown up more in the last year than I have in any other period of my life. Things I accepted before no longer are acceptable if they affect you and I would kill to make sure that your life is perfect. My life will be spent making sure that you never have to experience the harsher life lessons I did and that you never question that you are loved. You are a perfect example that everyone can get a second chance at a beautiful life. I love you with all of my soul and my whole heart.

To my dearest loves...my husband and son I can't promise perfection. I will make mistakes and I will fail. But I can promise that I will always pick myself up and try again. I will always strive to be the best mother and wife that I can be. I will strive to never intentionally cause either of your hearts a moments hurt and if I do I promise to kiss the pain away. Randy, I promise to continue to be your wife, your confident, your lover, your best friend and your loyal and faithful partner for as long as you will have me. Eli, I promise to be your mother, your confident, your teacher, a comfort, your clown, your protector and (at times) your friend for as long as I am alive. Both of your presence in my life makes me feel strong, beautiful and loved and I thank God for you both. You are both always in my thoughts, in my prayers and in my heart. I love you.

Love
Dawn, aka Fraggle, aka Mrs. Winsett, aka Mom (my favorite) :-*

Bagels, Bananas, and Babies

Ahh I haven't blogged in too long, but as few people read this I doubt it was missed! Thanks to friends wanting to hang out I actually got the house clean Thursday so this weekend we were able to relax quite a bit on Saturday, just some laundry to contend with. Sunday on the other hand...we got busy!

Sunday morning we met up with a friend of mine from high school. Thanks to the joy of Facebook I found a survivor of Serra Senior High here in Vegas! She and I were in drama together and we bonded over both being adopted. (Our "moms" stormed into a drama rehearsal at midnight once and hollered at our teacher....good times!) So we met up for a brunch of bagels and memories. She brought her 9 year old daughter Sabrina and we spent a few hours catching up and talking about where we are now with our lives. It was so nice to meet up with someone who "knew me then" and could see how far I had come. Plus I had always really liked her, a rare thing for someone from high school...LOL. Her daughter is a gem too.


After brunch we headed off to our "burner" friend Tiya's sons 1st birthday. It was a pool party over at some old friends house and it was a lot of fun. I was surprised as I wasn't always a welcome addition to the Las Vegas burner events (I stole Randy away, hehe) but time has passed and we're all friendly now. There were 4 babies under 3 and it was so fun to watch them play in the pool. Eli loved the water and was in off and on for over 4 hours! Plus it was everyones favorite game "pass the baby!" Eli loved the attention, he is such a trooper. By the end of the day Eli was still ready to party (there was MANY cute girls to flirt with and that kid can flirt) but Randy and I were dead on our feet. On the drive home, idiot me reached into the back seat and whacked out my neck...way to end a great day.

Today was a lay around and recover sort of day. Eli went to bed last night around 11 and slept til 5:30am without a sound, then he stirred a bit, drank a little bottle, got a diaper change and crashed back out until 8. When he awoke then he drained a bottle and went back out til 10. Most of the rest of the day was a mix of giggles and cuddles and sleep (at least for him....for me it was wincing and reaching for the heating pad) When Randy came home we tried out some baby food bananas and Eli seemed to love them. He got about 1/2 a teaspoon in and smiled through the whole experience, although I did get the look of "why you been holding out on me mommy?" He's going to eat us out of house and home. I thought the 3 "B's" stood for B.inky-B.ottle-B.utt but methinks I am wrong and they stand for B.abes-B.eer-B.acon. What can I say, he's advanced. :)

Well thats the news from here, exciting no? Aren't you glad you logged in? Eli sends kisses and spit bubbles.