100%

Last night I was laying in bed (not sleeping as usual) and I started to reflect on the events of the past few weeks. I've been forced to really look at some of the core relationships in my life and I've in truth I haven't liked a lot of what I have seen. I realized that I have a great many relationships in which I accept far less from the other person than what I give in return. Honestly, I had never thought about it much or allowed it to bother me...I just accepted it as being "par for the course." I've always been so hungry and desperate for others love and approval that I would accept anything offered no matter what strings were attached or how disproportionate it was to what I was willing to give. I allowed people to be callous and cruel, to kick me at my lowest and to judge me for all my failures while never acknowledging my successes. I have never thought I deserved any better. When I met and married Randy I slowly started to change my opinion of myself, to see in myself what he sees but it never fully clicked in my head until we had Eli.

We made a vow when Eli was born that NO ONE would be allowed into his world that would not love him 100% and treat him well. We agreed that if we thought anyone was treating him as "less than" someone else we would remove him from the situation and/or remove the offending party from his life. We demand that to know Eli well is to love and nurture him. I know that seems like a hard line or one that's going to be hard to hold onto when he is older. But we both have had times in our lives when we wished people had done this for us. So we're going to do this for him now, while we can. And isn't that what parents do? Wish for their children a better life than what they themselves had? But last night as I laid in bed I started to wonder why can't I apply that same standard to my own life. Why not take the opportunity now to start demanding better relationships for myself? Wouldn't having more honest, loving, and real relationships in my life help to make me a better mom, wife and person? And the more I thought about it, the more the simple answer came to me...YES.

So that's what I'm deciding to do. I'm going to start insisting that the people in my life treat me as I treat them. Sure, some people won't care for the idea but I'm hoping those that don't will fade out and my relationships with those people that DO treat me well will flourish. I know it's going to take time and I'm OK with that. I don't think I'll ever have the guts to demand for myself what I demand for Eli but my sincere hope is that eventually I can get somewhere closer to asking for the 100% everyone deserves out of life.

Hugs
Dawn